worked the night shift tonight at 4th street. tornado warnings on the tv and shit, SO i didn’t think it was gunna be 2 busy. and it wasn’t until about 5 when i guess people’s ice started melting and they realized they weren’t gunna be flown away to OZ. so shit starts to git real.
1- crazy man cums in and fills up trashbag with $300 dollars worth of SHIT. like clearence item shit. drops the bag, walks out like it aint no thang. comes back an hour later, looks for the bag. no dice. leaves, comes back with a big ol cardboard box. literally starts walkin thru the aisles and just sweepin shit off the shelves into the box. preoceeds to walk out like he just packed his last box and is movin on up outa the ghetto. WRONG. unluckily 4 him, the head of Loss Prevention (aka tow yo ass to jail club) is in, and pulls sum kinda magik where no one even knew sumthin was wrong. he musta played nice cause when the copers were walkin him out to the wagon, they were spittin like dayd known each other fer years. probably have. they probably just taken him back to jail so they can have their card buddy for the night. that’s how jail works right?
B- the best pH test to see if someone is up to no good is if they start talkin a lot. kinda how if someone gits pulled over and they got crack, and the popo let em go, they start talkin all kindly cause they think dey got away. NEWAYZ. another good pH test to see if someone ISN’T crazy is if they got American Express, cause that shit has to be paid ON TIME o else shit’s lookin bad for the next 7 years. NEWAYZ. these two tests hardly ever coincide, but ofcourse they did tonight. so man walks up to me tryin to buy a belt. aint nothin 2 harmful about a belt. and he’s well dressed and pays with an american express. in and out, bada bing bada boom. NOPE. when i am having him sign 4 his card, i guess he didn’t like that i laid the pen down instead of handing it 2 him. so crazy grabs my hand and violently shoves the pen back in it. he says ‘NOW I AINT GUNNA DO U LIKE YOU JUST DID ME. DIDN’T YO MAMA TEACH YOU TO HAND SOMETHING TO SOMEONE WHEN THEY REACHING 4 IT?” straight uuuup talkin in ebonics when 2 seconds ago he was all rubbin elbows with Obama like. so im like “….uhh…. well haven’t you ever heard the superstition that it’s bad luck to hand something directly to someone. you’re supposed to set it down first.” then he gits this krazy look in his eye and says “AINT NO SUCH THANG AS SUPERSTITION IF U BELIEVE IN GOD”. whaaaaat. so i say “well some people are weird and you can never be too carfeul”. then it’s like all ova sudden the devil left him and he politely starts lecturing me on why i should be a Christian. then he starts talking about LOS LONELY BOYS. yea, the band. FINALLY he just walks away mid sentence. this whole encounter lasted about 8 minutes.

